Are We Raising Blamers?

Patricia Moreno
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It is really a valuable and powerful practice to catch yourself in the act of blaming others for your stress, negativity or upset, and to disrupt this harmful behavior.

Prowdr parenting means teaching by example.  It’s our job to show our kids how it’s better to be honest and to be accountable for our actions, both good and bad.

One of the reasons we, as parents, avoid accountability is because it can make us feel vulnerable, which isn’t a comfortable feeling for many of us.  Perhaps, as children, we were taught that showing vulnerability was a sign of weakness. Unfortunately, we continue to pass this damaging behavior down to our little ones.

Are you raising blamers?  We blame in order to discharge our own upset.  When I come home upset and the house is a mess or the kids won’t go to bed, I want to discharge my own upset and anger, so I  blame my negative state on my loved ones’ behaviors.  I am not upset because the toys are all over the floor or because the vase is broken, I am already upset, and I seize the opportunity  to discharge my negative state.  I have realized that walking into a room and asking, “Who did it?” is not going to help my kids learn to take responsibility; rather, this method only seeks to assign blame.

In this video, I share a story on how I discovered I was raising blamers.

What I have been practicing now is catching myself in the act; recognizing when I want to blame my wife or my kids for my bad mood by using the messy home, the disrespectful tone of voice or the unwillingness to eat what I made for dinner as an excuse to discharge my upset.  These are golden opportunities to change old, harmful behaviors.  

How do I do this?  I have a rule in place that if I am at a stress level of seven or higher, and I believe I am a danger to myself or anyone else, I excuse myself or ask my wife to take over.  She has the same prerogative.  If she needs a time out, she has the discretion to request it, and we both know it’s best to give one another that option.

We want to bring up prowdr kids who understand what it means to be accountable for their actions.  However, it must first be demonstrated.  

What is it you have to model?

  • The ability to manage your emotions and to stop blaming others for your bad moods or upsets is a good start.
  • It is really a valuable and powerful practice to catch yourself in the act of blaming others for your stress, negativity or upset, and to disrupt this harmful behavior.
  • If you need a time out, take it.  Everyone will thank you for it. Give yourself permission to excuse yourself, and do nothing until you have calmed down.  Find where you are accountable for any negative feelings or behaviors and apologize!  
  • Feel the upset and don’t blame.  Own your emotions, all of them, and their power and redirect them toward a more positive, better you.  Allow yourself to be the best that you can be in any situation.

No doubt raising children can be challenging, to say the least, and it is probably safe to say you care about how you are raising your children.  The best advice I ever got was to remember that taking care of myself, being accountable for my state of mind and my emotions is the best thing I could ever do for myself, my children and my future grandchildren.  

A world-renowned mind-body expert, with over 20 years of teaching and public speaking experience, Patricia Moreno has been a trailblazer in the fitness world for many years. Bringing innovative workouts, instructor training programs, coaching events and lifestyle products, Patricia has made a huge impact in the lives of tens of thousands of people worldwide. Her signature workout, the intenSati Method, is a revolutionary concept that combines the power of positivity, cardio exercise, mindfulness and meditation.

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